


the attack of shrimpy

by sunkwans



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Attempt at Humor, F/F, GUYS, Group chat, M/M, Oops, also saphael, and clizzy, and everything is confusing, but like i said, did you really think jace was straight, i'm not here for the heteros, jace is straight, jace is the only straight one, like feelings, lydia isn't straight either, malec developmet through embarassing messages, they're also in highschool
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-11 20:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11721948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunkwans/pseuds/sunkwans
Summary: simon changed the group name: biology groupalecx lightno: y am i heresimon knewthis:  ur in the bio group there4 ur in dis group, get used to it alexizzybelle: his name is alec get it right shrimpyjace lightwood changed the group chat name: the attack of shrimpy





	1. i could but y would i want u

**Author's Note:**

> my first one of these got sm love, so i made another! i actually love writing &/ or reading these, so i wanted another :) 
> 
> if you could point me in the direction of any shadowfam group chats, that would be gr8
> 
> warning: use of horrible grammar, and also gays, gays, and more gays. and then jace. 
> 
> enjoy, angels <3

_**simon lewis added: raphael santiago, alec lightwood, isabelle lightwood, jace lightwood, magnus bane and clary fairchild to the group.** _

**simon knewthis:**  hello friends.

_**simon changed the group name: biology group** _

**alecx lightno:**  y am i here

 **simon knewthis:**   ur in the bio group there4 ur in dis group, get used to it alex

 **izzybelle:**  his name is alec get it right shrimpy

_**jace lightwood changed the group chat name: the attack of shrimpy** _

**raphael santiago:** it's ok bby ur doin gr8 

 **simon knewthis:**  wow,,,, you actually said something nice 2 me i'm shocked

 **magnus babe:**  no that was me.

 **simon knewthis:**  wut

 **clary gaychild:** magnoos took raphahell's phone nd txted u off of it wht is so hard to understand shrimpy

 **simon knewthis:** don't call me shrimpy,,,, i've been ur best friend 4ever back off 

 **jace lighthood:** can i go

 **jace lighthood:** i don't even kno what this project is aboout

 **magnus babe:** me neither,,,, i'm just here for alexander

 **simon knewthis:** his name is alec, mangus

 **izzybelle:** who's mangus

 **alecx lightno:** omg r u the one who keeps stalking me

 **magnus babe:** not stalking, checking up on. 

 **raphael santiago:** he's stalking u

 **raphael santiago:** sometimes i hear him say ur name in his sleep

 **izzybelle:** thts ok sometimes i hear alec talking to himself

 **alecx lightno:** i'm talking to jace u knob

 **jace lighthood:** he's talking to me u knob

 **clary gaychild:** hey,,,, back off of izzybelle

 **izzybelle:** thnks clary. us women have 2 stick 2gether

 **simon knewthis:** she only said that bc she likes you

_**raphael santiago left the group chat** _

_**jace lightwood left the group chat** _

**simon knewthis:** wut just happened

 **alecx lightno:** they left the chat,,,, which i'm abt to do

 **magnus babe:** don't do that i'll miss u

 **alecx lightno:** idk u man

 **izzybelle:** u kno u wanna sex him alec don't lie to me

 **simon knewthis:** gys i like raphael what do i do

 **clary gaychild** **:** tell him

 **simon knewthis:** i think the FUCK NOT

 **magnus babe:** raphael would totally date u

 **magnus babe:** sometimes,,,, raphael says ur name in spanish

 **magnus babe:** which is simon

 **magnus babe:** which is funny 'cause i thought ur name was sherwin but raph always says simon how odd

 **izzybelle:** thts bc his name is simon

 **magnus babe:** r u spanish too

_**simon lewis added raphael santiago to the group chat** _

**simon knewthis:** raphael,,,, tell mangus tht my name is simon 

 **raphael santiago:** his name is simon

 **magnus babe:** y r u still talking in spanish no1 will understand u

 **alecx lightno:** where did u get the name sherwin from, magnus

 **magnus babe:** the paint store

_**isabelle lightwood added jace lightwood to the group chat** _

**izzybelle:** come back jace,,,, we miss u

 **jace lighthood:** stop i was watching utube

 **alecx lightno:** he was watching porn don't let the charm fool u.

 **magnus babe:** wait r u guys str8

 **izzybelle:** no i'm bisexual like all the legends 

 **simon knewthis:** i like every1

 **raphael santiago:** i'm ace

 **alecx lightno:** i'm gay !1!1

 **clary gaychild:** ^^^

 **jace lighthood:** am i the only str8 1 here

 **alecx lightno:** depends,,,,, magnus, r u str8

 **magnus babe:** no i like boys and girls

 **magnus babe:** did u hear that alexander,,,,, BOYS and girls

 **simon knewthis:** of course he didn't hear it u txted it to him,,,,, how could he hear it

 **raphael santiago:** can i leave again

 **simon knewthis:** nooooooo

 **raphael santiago:** ok but only cause ur cute

 **simon knewthis:** did mangus steal ur phone again

 **raphael santiago:** im not with magnus

 **alecx lightno:** i'm fcking confused u bitches make no sense

 **magnus babe:** yeah raphael isn't home yet

 **simon knewthis:** but u 2 said that

 **magnus babe:** we were lying, shrimp

 **izzybelle:** u nd raphael live together omg 

 **clary gaychild:** they both have the same adoptive parents

 **izzybelle:** omg, clary ur a genius, wanna go on a date

 **clary gaychild:** ys

 **simon knewthis:** omg she looks like a tomato

 **simon knewthis:** jfrphgpagnoaw;jr

 **jace lighthood:** wtf was that

 **jace lighthood:** hy alec, will u answer ur door i miss u

 **alecx lightno:** but i'm doin homework

 **jace lighthood:** but alec i miss u pls 

 **alecx lightno:** fine

 **magnus babe:** i miss u alec

 **alecx lightno:** but u dont even talk to me wht is there 2 miss

 **magnus babe:** ur pretty face and ur pretty laugh 

**_isabelle lightwood sent a photo_ **

**magnus babe:** tht pretty face

 **alecx lightno:** u have a pretty face 2

 **magnus babe:** brb gotta cry bc alexander called me pretty

 **simon knewthis:** hy guys im back clary threw a pillow @ me but she got in trouble lol

 **clary gaychild:** no i was just telling luke abt my hot date

 **raphael santiago:** aren't we supposed to be talking about this project?

 **simon knewthis:** wait wht project


	2. r we bf & bf?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jace lighthood: hy magnus
> 
> magnus babe: ys
> 
> jace lighthood: bc ur gunna date my brother do u wanna be my bf
> 
> jace lighthood: my bro friend
> 
> magnus babe: no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter, coming vv quick :) 
> 
> i had sm fun writing this. lots of fun. i can finally use terrible grammar & not feel bad. 
> 
> hope you enjoy, angels <3

**simon knewthis:** guys we fucked up bad

 **alecx lightno:** wht do u mean we

 **raphael santiago:** i told u we needed 2 do the project

 **simon knewthis:** we literally got nothing done in class

 **magnus babe:** it's ur fault sherman, ur the 1 who was talking the whole time

 **izzybelle:** my mom is gonna kill me

 **jace lighthood:** no she won't ill protect u

 **alecx lightno:** im gonna b the 1 thts gonna get in trouble, lets b real

 **clary gaychild:** u can come live with me alec

 **magnus babe:** no thts ok u can come live with me

 **magnus babe:** my mom cat likes ppl 

 **simon knewthis:** guys we have more pressing issues, no1 cares abt alecs mom

 **alecx lightno:** hy i care abt my mom

 **raphael santiago:** do u rly

 **alecx lightno:** she did give birth to me she deserves some recognition

 **clary gaychild:** arent u nd izzybelle twins

 **alecx lightno:** idk bc u seem to kno my sister so well y don't u tell me

 **jace lighthood:** alec r u ok 

 **jace lighthood:** i can hear u screaming out of ur window 

 **alecx lightno:** im ok i just realized tht magnus just invited me 2 live with him

 **raphael santiago:** i dont want that 2 happen

 **magnus babe:** 2 bad u fuck head hes coming over

 **izzybelle:** hy alec could u shut the fuck up im trying to pick out clothes 4 my date 

 **izzybelle:** y is the screaming getting closer

 **jace lighthood:** ill help u alec

 **simon knewthis:** wht is happening in the lightwood house

 **izzybelle:** oh my goD U 2 R SUCH ASS DICKS IM TRYING TO PICK OUT CLOTHES

 **clary gaychild:** its ok bby i like u how u r

 **izzybelle:** 2 fuckin bad i wanna look cute af

 **magnus babe:** so alec wanna come over

 **alecx lightno:** 4 how long

 **izzybelle:** omg alec stopped screaming but now hes screeching

 **izzybelle:** jACE STOP THROWING POTS ACROSS THE KITCHEN ITS NOT SAFE

 **alecx lightno:** hes not throwing thm hes just banging his head on thm

 **simon knewthis:** y is this happening

 **raphael santiago:** i still wanna kno if alec nd izzy r twins

 **izzybelle:** we r but alec is older cause hes an overachiever 

 **magnus babe:** hy alec u can stay until 9

 **izzybelle:** o GOD U 2 R FUCKING CRAZY

 **clary gaychild:** i think i hear screaming @ my house

 **izzybelle:** thts alec

 **izzybelle:** i think his throats gunna start bleeding if he screams any more

 **raphael santiago:** unTIL NINE R U SERIOUS

 **simon knewthis:** u can come 2 my house raphael

 **raphael santiago:** ok give me ur adress

 **jace lighthood:** hy magnus

 **magnus babe:** ys

 **jace lighthood:** bc ur gunna date my brother do u wanna be my bf

 **jace lighthood:** my bro friend

 **magnus babe:** no

 **jace lighthood:** alec u caNT GO OVER THERE

 **izzybelle:** jace & alec im leaving pls dont miss me

 **alecx lightno:** wait iz i need ur help come here

 **magnus babe:** alec u should wear tht black sweater it looked gud on u 

 **izzybelle:** magnoos if u dont stop saying stuff like tht im gunna cut u

 **simon knewthis:** raphael r u coming

 **clary gaychild:** izzy im nervous say something sweet

 **izzybelle:** me

 **magnus babe:** sugar

 **alecx lightno:** magnus

 **alecx lightno:** wait wat was the question

 **jace lighthood:** alec I SID NO SOP

 **alecx lightno:** wht r u trying 2 say jace

 **alecx lightno:** u cant have me 2 urself i want magnus

 **jace lighthood:** but alec ive been ur best bro since we were kids

 **alecx lightno:** but uve never been my boy friend so im gonna date magnus rn

 **magnus babe:** hy alec do u wanna come over now

 **magnus babe:** i made popcorn

 **raphael santiago:** simon open ur door im here

 **simon knewthis:** how did u get here so fast omg

 **raphael santiago:** i flew

 **alecx lightno:** hy magnus im on my way dont worry

 **jace lighthood:** all of u guys r gay and im not!!1

 **simon knewthis:** im not gay

 **raphael santiago:** me neither

 **izzybelle:** me neither

 **magnus babe:** me neither

 **jace lighthood:** SHIT I GET IT

 **alecx lightno:** hy mags y is ur house all the way in indonesia

 **magnus babe:** wrong address hng on

 **simon knewthis:** hy guys about biology-

 **jace lighthood:** wtf is biology, shrimp

 **simon knewthis:** im gunna punch u in the penis 

 **clary gaychild:** but simon thts anatomy

 **simon knewthis:** stop acting like u kno things bc u watched grey's anatomy

 **magnus babe:** hy alec do u like soda

 **jace lighthood:** if u were my bf magnus, i would tell u stuff like this

 **izzybelle:** alec likes soda

 **jace lighthood:** izzy STOP

 **jace lighthood:** arent u supposed 2 b on a date

 **izzybelle:** clary just started driving so im on my phone

 **alecx lightno:** hy mags is it ok if i bring my homework

 **magnus babe:** u can brng it but were no gonna do homework ;)

 **alecx lightno:** wht r we gunna do

 **magnus babe:** well i wanna kiss u

 **alecx lightno:** wht

 **alecx lightno:** y wuld u want that

 **magnus babe:** bc ur cute nd u have soft lips

 **simon knewthis:** hy magnus can raphael rly fly

 **simon knewthis:** and alec, ur lips do look rly soft

 **alecx lightno:** omg

 **alecx lightno:** im sry simon but ur not my type

 **simon knewthis:** alec nO

 **jace lighthood:** oops simon and alec sitting in a tree K I S S I N G

 **magnus babe:** ill fight u, u 2 inch shark dick

 **izzybelle:** did u just say-

 **clary gaychild:** 2 INCH SHARK DICK IM WAILING

 **izzybelle:** no she's not

 **alecx lightno:** hy magnus im at ur home pls come outsid

 **magnus babe:** omg 

 **magnus babe:** OMG

 **magnus babe:** ok okokokokokokokokokokokokokokokok

 **raphael santiago:** alec u should run

 **raphael santiago:** dont go into his room theres a shrine

 **alecx lightno:** but im not ded

 **raphael santiago:** its in his closet ok bye i gotta go

 **simon knewthis:** ;)

 **jace lighthood:** did we forget all about our failing grade

 **jace lighthood:** guys?

 **jace lighthood:** gays?

 **jace lighthood:** damnit. i need to find a girlfriend

 **jace lighthood:** im always so lonely. alec never talks 2 me bc hes talking to iz about how 2 flirt with mangus

 **jace lighthood:** magnus*

 **jace lighthood:** im going 2 bed even tho its only 5


	3. what have u done with ur brain, bro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> simon knewthis: A GAME
> 
> clary gaychild: wht game simon
> 
> simon knewthis: its a group building activity
> 
> simon knewthis: "how many names can we call jace that have the word dick in it"
> 
> izzybelle: jace ur a girl dick 
> 
> jace lighthood: wht wat
> 
> izzybelle: get it bc girls dont have a dick just like u
> 
> lydiahh: jace ur an elephant dick 
> 
> lydiahh: a big one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anooother chapter :) 
> 
> i'm glad this has gotten so much love!
> 
> if you guys didn't notice, that dumbass biology project is sooo irrelevant. 
> 
> also, enter: lydia branwell
> 
> i was already going to add her in (somehow) and maybe make her jace's love interest, and i got a comment asking for it, so jace will get someone. 
> 
> enjoy, angels <3

_**simon lewis added lydia branwell** _

**simon knewthis:** welcome 

 **lydiahh:** So, this is the group chat you all were talking about?

 **magnus babe:** wht is that

 **magnus babe:** alexander WHT IS THAT

 **alecx lightno:** it looks like captial letters nd punctuation

 **clary gaychild:** stop that

 **lydiahh:** Why?

 **izzybelle:** THIS IS SO SCARY

 **jace lighthood:** gys,,,,,, this is wht actual people r like

 **raphael santiago:** well stop it

 **simon knewthis:** lydia we dont condone actual grammar in this chat pls stop

 **lydiahh:** idk y u guys r like that

 **magnus babe:** she's leARNING

 **clary gaychild:** wait jce

 **jace lighthood:** ys clry

 **clary gaychild:** wht did u mean "actual people"

 **clary gaychild:** r u trying to say that we're not actual people bc we're gay

 **magnus babe:** bi

 **izzybelle:** bi

 **raphael santiago:** ace

 **simon knewthis:** pan

 **alecx lightno:** gay

 **lydiahh:** what scares me is that all of those came at the exact same time

 **jace lighthood:** gyS THAT'S NOT WAT I MEANT

 **jace lighthood:** izzy sTOP

 **izzybelle:** o no shit head, ur gettin it

 **alecx lightno:** ill come help

 **jace lighthood:** pls stop

 **simon knewthis:** wait whts happening

 **clary gaychild:** is there yelling going on

 **magnus babe:** hy alec, did u drop something in the hallway

 **alecx lightno:** no?

 **magnus babe:** o maybe it was me. i think it was my heart

 **jace lighthood:** what the fuck was that noise

 **izzybelle:** alec just choked on his bite of ice cream

 **jace lighthood:** ur eating ice cream w/out me?

 **izzybelle:** fuck yea we are

 **alecx lightno:** magnus that was sweet

 **alecx lightno:** but does that mean what i think it does

 **magnus babe:** depends on wht u think it means bby

 **lydiahh:** wait isnt this supposed to b for a project

 **alecx lightno:** mags do u love me

 **simon knewthis:** yes, lydia it is

 **izzybelle:** yh mags do u love alec

 **clary gaychild:** ys we all want to kno

 **magnus babe:** i dont wanna say it over a gc,,,,, bby

 **alecx lightno:** THAT MEANS YES

 **raphael santiago:** hy guys how do i change my name

 **simon knewthis:** raph,,,,, sweetie this isnt the time 4 tht

 **jace lighthood:** u go 2 edit

 **simon knewthis:** ur really pUSHING MY BUTTONS JACE LIGHTWOOD

 **simon knewthis:**  ur a dick on a stick nd im tired of it

 **lydiahh:** i see no problem with what he said

 **simon knewthis:** not now ldyia

 **jace lighthood:** who is ldyia

 **simon knewthis:** shes a person who calls jace lightwood mean names w/ me

 **raphael santiagoaway:** im happy now

 **raphael santiagoaway:** jace ur still a porch dick 

 **simon knewthis:** gys i have a rly good game we can play

 **alecx lightno:** wait mags isnt answering the phone

 **alecx lightno:** raphael did u kill him

 **raphael santiagoaway:** no but i heard him leave the house

 **simon knewthis:** A GAME

 **clary gaychild:** wht game simon

 **simon knewthis:** its a group building activity

 **simon knewthis:** "how many names can we call jace that have the word dick in it"

 **izzybelle:** jace ur a girl dick 

 **jace lighthood:** wht wat

 **izzybelle:** get it bc girls dont have a dick just like u

 **lydiahh:** jace ur an elephant dick 

 **lydiahh:** a big one

 **jace lighthood:** i thought u were on my side

 **lydiahh:** this is a fun game im sry

 **alecx lightno:** guys.

 **alecx lightno:** where did mags go

 **alecx lightno:** im getting frighTENED

 **simon knewthis:** use gps tracking

 **alecx lightno:** i didnt put a gps tracker in him u dust mite

 **jace lighthood:** alec is the best at this game, someone give him a medal

 **simon knewthis:** he didnt even use the word dick

 **simon knewthis:** nd he was talking to me!

 **jace lighthood:** exactly why hes the best

 **raphael santiagoaway:** maybe magnus ran away

 **alecx lightno:** i dont think tht- odnoparnvoahrfjaovna[rge[ojf'ah[of r

 **lydiahh:**??

 **izzybelle:** holy FCUK that was scary

 **izzybelle:** FUCK*

 **clary gaychild:** wht happened babe

 **izzybelle:** magnus just popped up in alecs window

 **clary gaychild:** awe! he came 2 c him

 **lydiahh:** thts sweet

 **simon knewthis:** whos going 2 the malec wedding w/ me

 **raphael santiagoaway:** anything 2 get magnus out of the house

 **jace lighthood:** but alec is on the 2nd story howd magnus get up there? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate to say that "porch dick" is from real life. like, one of my friends said it. and then, the "how many types of names can you call someone with the word dick added in" game began, and here it is. i hope u all enjoyed that little window into my social life :)
> 
> kudos & comments are welcome <3 
> 
> all the love, angels


	4. im a douche ur a nozzle together we make a douchenozzle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> izzybelle: hy guys im sry but alec got grounded
> 
> magnus babe: WHAT THE FUCK 
> 
> magnus babe: WHY THE FUCK
> 
> izzybelle: bc my mom nd dad got mad bc were failing biology
> 
> jace lighthood: they also saw u climbing up 2 alecs window
> 
> lydiahh: sacrifices made 4 love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, friends. hope chapter four tickles your fancy
> 
> can i just say that i'm having WAY TOO MUCH fun with this story? i finally get to write like i want to; with bad grammar. 
> 
> also, its hard to develop relationships over text- and, i dont really ship these two- so i hope the jace & lydia thing is ok.
> 
> enjoy, angels <3

**izzybelle:** hy guys im sry but alec got grounded

 **magnus babe:** WHAT THE FUCK 

 **magnus babe:** WHY THE FUCK

 **izzybelle:** bc my mom nd dad got mad bc were failing biology

 **jace lighthood:** they also saw u climbing up 2 alecs window

 **lydiahh:** sacrifices made 4 love

 **raphael santiagoaway:** its not like magnus killed a virgin lydia chill

 **simon knewthis:** speaking of lydia,,,,,, did u guys see her nd jces weird looks

 **izzybelle:** thy were flirting,,,, shrimp

 **clary gaychild:** i noticed it

 **clary gaychild:** but lyd wldnt take jces shit nd i liked it

 **magnus babe:** izzy cld u smuggle ur phone 2 alec i wanna say i love him

 **clary gaychild:** MY OTP OMG

 **simon knewthis:** IM SCREAMING

 **raphael santiagoaway:** hes actually screaming some1 stop him

 **simon knewthis:** iz smuggle ur phone 2 alec PLS

 **izzybelle:** hng on bitches im trying

 **jace lighthood:** ill distract mom 

 **izzybelle:** did u just yell at the top of ur lungs that ur bi

 **jace lighthood:** is this a good time 2 come out

 **jace lighthood:** u were right iz all the legends r bi

 **izzybelle:** im not

 **izzybelle:** its alec btw

 **magnus babe:** ALEXANDER I MISSED U

 **izzybelle:** im sry i got grounded bby, ill b sure to give u a kiss @ school tmrow

 **magnus babe:** tmrow is saturday babe

 **izzybelle:** FUCK its ok ill just run away

 **raphael santiagoaway:** pls dont come to my house

 **magnus babe:** u can come 2 my house

 **raphael santiagoaway:** FUCK

 **lydiahh:** im confused

 **jace lighthood:** the 2 of them live together

 **clary gaychild:** so jce everytime u made fun of us gays, bis, aces, nd pans u were rly bi this whole time

 **jace lighthood:** yh but the only 1 who knew was alec

 **magnus babe:** alec bby i asked cat if u could stay here

 **izzybelle:** whatd she say

 **raphael santiagoaway:** she said yes

 **raphael santiagoaway:** im gunna run away

 **simon knewthis:** come 2 my house

 **izzybelle:** ok bby ill b there but dont xpect me any earlier thn 8

 **magnus babe:** its 8 rn

 **izzybelle:** exactly

 **lydiahh:** so....

 **lydiahh:** im also pan thought i shuld say tht

 **simon knewthis:** A FRIEND

 **simon knewthis** OMG 

 **raphael santiagoaway:** none of u guys r ace wtf

 **jace lighthood:** ur ace

 **raphael santiagoaway:** nd ur a fuck trumpet

 **raphael santiagoaway:** stop pointing out the obvious

 **simon knewthis:** gys y hasnt alec said anything this entire time

 **izzybelle:** bc im grounded u thunder cunt

 **simon knewthis:** wat

 **clary gaychild:** ALEC GOT GROUNDED ND NOW HES TALKING OFF OF IZZY'S PHONE DO U EVEN READ THE MESSAGES WE SEND U

 **simon knewthis:** only if they're from raph

 **raphael santiagoaway:** read this 

 **raphael santiagoaway:** jce is a dick weasel 

 **jace lighthood:** ur a fuck wit

 **raphael santiagoaway:** ur a fuck nugget

 **jace lighthood:** u shit magnet

 **raphael santiagoaway:** u fuck face

 **magnus babe:** THE WAY I SEE IT UR ALL SHIT WITHOUT ME SO SHUT THE FUCK UP U DOUCHE CANOES

 **izzybelle:** tht was beautiful bby,,,,, im on my way now

 **magnus babe:** ok love u 

 **izzybelle:** love u 2

 **lydiahh:** is this wht always happens

 **clary gaychild:** ys

 **jace lighthood:** ys

 **simon knewthis:** ys

 **raphael santiagoaway:** no its usually alec tht yells at every1

 **simon knewthis:** ur right

 **izzybelle:** hy its izzy can we talk about jace nd lydia

 **izzybelle:** wld thy be jydia? 

 **lydiahh:** ys

 **izzybelle:** jce how do u feel about jydia

 **jace lighthood:** idk man 

 **simon knewthis:** thts a yes

 **magnus babe:** MALEC 4 LYFE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> for that whole raphael & jace back and forth i looked up the best swear words and a buzzfeed thing came up so obviously i used it. i also laughed my ass off
> 
> next update should be coming soon! these are very simple & easy to write, so im not spending seven hours pouring out my heart & soul
> 
> kudos & comments are welcome :)
> 
> all the love, angels <3


	5. never drop ur weenie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> magnus babe: ok u gys suck @ guessing were watching TWD
> 
> lydiahh: omg r u watching the walking dead
> 
> magnus babe: ys TWD
> 
> simon knewthis: whose ur favorite
> 
> magnus babe: i like glenn
> 
> magnus babe: alec also likes glenn
> 
> magnus babe: its unanimous
> 
> raphael santiagoaway: i like the guy who wants to kill every1
> 
> simon knewthis: daryl?
> 
> raphael santiagoaway: idk bro maybe
> 
> jace lighthood: i like shane
> 
> magnus babe: wHAT THE FUCK x2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, angels :) 
> 
> hopefully jydia is developing ok! i'm not really here for them, but i'm tryinggggg
> 
> guys, can i just say i love malec & saphael. you will see that. i just LOVE them.
> 
> anyways, enjoy, angels <3
> 
> loooong talks of twd. i love glenn & daryl but mostly glenn. i also hate shane. (i just started watching it ok, im a bit far behind.)

**izzybelle:** alec shld come back soon parents r getting worried

 **magnus babe:** o i thought he was moving in

 **jace lighthood:** no U CANT HAVE HIM

 **magnus babe:** hes not urs u ass hat

 **raphael santiagoaway:** fcuk not this again

 **simon knewthis:** nop rapha jce wldn't fuck w/ mags bc alec wld kick his ass

 **izzybelle:** i just want my bro back

 **lydiahh:** is there a lot of drama in this chat

 **clary gaychild:** if by drama u mean every1 liking every1 then yes

 **magnus babe:** i only like alec fuck u mean

 **izzybelle:** clARY R U CHEATING ON ME

 **simon knewthis:** i love raphael fuck u carrot

 **raphael santiagoaway:** i like simon 

 **raphael santiagoaway:** butttt imma save the ily 4 latr 

 **clary gaychild:** u gys r assholes

 **magnus babe:** gUESS WHAT ALEC ND I R WATCHING

 **jace lighthood:** glee

 **magnus babe:** gys i said guess

 **jace lighthood:** i jUST DID

 **izzybelle:** is it glee?

 **magnus babe:** no iz it is not

 **jace lighthood:** all around me r familiar faces 

 **clary gaychild:** worn out plces

 **magnus babe:** ok u gys suck @ guessing were watching TWD

 **lydiahh:** omg r u watching the walking dead

 **magnus babe:** ys TWD

 **simon knewthis:** whose ur favorite

 **magnus babe:** i like glenn

 **magnus babe:** alec also likes glenn

 **magnus babe:** its unanimous

 **raphael santiagoaway:** i like the guy who wants to kill every1

 **simon knewthis:** daryl?

 **raphael santiagoaway:** idk bro maybe

 **jace lighthood:** i like shane

 **magnus babe:** wHAT THE FUCK x2

 **lydiahh:** what does that x2 mean

 **clary gaychild:** ISABELLE ANSWER YOUR PHONE 

 **izzybelle:** no ur cheating on me

 **izzybelle:** w/ lydiahh??????????????

 **clary gaychild:** no bby,,,,, i love you 

 **izzybelle:**...

 **izzybelle:** ily2

 **magnus babe:** the x2 meant tht alec nd i both said it 

 **jace lighthood:** idk wht is wrong w/ shane

 **clary gaychild:** u dum bitch omg

 **jace lighthood:** WHT

 **lydiahh:** gys leave him alone.

 **lydiahh:** shane does suck ass but hes also kinda cool

 **magnus babe:** yh so cool he sacraficed otis

 **magnus babe:** nd then lied abt it

 **magnus babe:** nd he told LORI ND CARL RICK WAS DEAD BC HE WAS IN LOVE WITH LORI

 **jace lighthood:** shit im sry

 **lydiahh:** IM GUNNA CREATE A CHAT W/ JUST JACE

 **simon knewthis:** isnt tht just normal txt

 **raphael santiagoaway:** hy simon cn i still come over

 **raphael santiagoaway:** mgns keeps SCREECHING idk how alec deals w/ him

 **simon knewthis:** shit shit shit ys u can

 **clary gaychild:** r we gunna ignor jydia

 **izzybelle:** DEVELOPMENT

 **magnus babe:** ys but malec is the bst

 **izzybelle:** my twin senses r tingling aLEC IS THAT U

 **magnus babe:** ys hello my sister

 **izzybelle:** I MISS U BIG BRO

 **magnus babe:** miss u 2 sis

 **jace lighthood:** alec r u ever gunna come home i miss u sm

 **magnus babe:** hE WILL NEVER

 **simon knewthis:** if alec living with magnus gets raphael @ my house then im gud with it

 **raphael santiagoaway:** dont encourage them si

 **simon knewthis:** ok so u dont wanna live w/ me i get it

 **raphael santiagoaway:** i dIDNT SAY THAT

 **magnus babe:** i miss u 2 jce

 **clary gaychild:** how has it ben alc

 **magnus babe:** gr8 im enjoying mine nd magnus' together time

 **simon knewthis:** raph im sry my mom said u cant come over

 **raphael santiagoaway:** SIMON I DIDN'T MEAN IT

 **lydiahh:** YELL AT HIM HE USED GUD GRAMMAR

 **izzybelle:** no him nd si r in a fight

 **izzybelle:** have u no <3

 **jace lighthood:** hy alec bc u decided 2 leave me alone 4ever can i have ur netflix password

 **izzybelle:** haHAHAHA i already have it u dipstick

 **magnus babe:** wow all of a sudden im rly tired gn gys

 **jace lighthood:** ALEXANDER GIDEON LIGHTWOOD I WILL DO IT

 **magnus babe:** U WOULDNT

 **jace lighthood:** oh i would

 **magnus babe:** fuck u 

 **magnus babe:** ur such a bitch

 **magnus babe:** my password is ********** 

 **magnus babe:** see if u cn figure tht out u shit brick

 **jace lighthood:** is is magnusbane

 **magnus babe:** shit

 **lydiahh:** jce ur a genius wanna go on a date

 **clary gaychild:** HOJY SHIT IZBELL THTS HOW U ASKED ME OUT

 **izzybelle:** OMG CLARY ITS MEMORIS

 **izzybelle:** MEMORIES*

 **jace lighthood:** ys

 **clary gaychild:** AND THTS WHAT I REPLIED

 **lydiahh:** thts so cool guys

_**simon lewis removed himself from the group chat** _

**raphael santiagoaway:** FUCK I THINK I BROKE HIM

 **clary gaychild:** wht did u do 2 my best friend u ass

 **raphael santiagoaway:** i was jst kidding nd now he wont answer me

 **magnus babe:** raph r u cryING

 **magnus babe:** im rly scared

 **magnus babe:** is this what it was like when the levees broke b4 hurricane katrina

_**magnus bane added simon lewis to the group chat** _

**magnus babe:** get back here u dick on a stick

 **magnus babe:** FIX RAPHAEL

 **simon knewthis:** im mad @ him leave me alone

 **raphael santiagoaway:** simon,,,,,, bby. pls answer me

 **simon knewthis:** raph............. im mad @ u 

 **raphael santiagoaway:** im gunna come over so i can talk 2 u

 **simon knewthis:** fine

 **jace lighthood:** alec i got a date

 **jace lighthood:** r u proud of me

 **magnus babe:** ys i am

 **jace lighthood:** holy shit

 **clary gaychild:** jydia, wht do u think abt a clizzy double date

 **magnus babe:** y not a triple date u asshole

 **clary gaychild:** alc if ur jealous u can just say so

 **magnus babe:** who tf said this is alec

 **clary gaychild:** ANYWAYS,,,,,,,,,,, so jydia a TRIPLE date

 **simon knewthis:** ummmmmmm???????????????

 **simon knewthis:** UR SUCH A DUCK WHT ABT SAPHAEL

 **simon knewthis:** dick*

 **clary gaychild:** SHIT IM SRY

 **izzybelle:** i gt u bby

 **izzybelle:** if u bitchs dont back off im gunna cut u w/ my whip

 **lydiahh:** u have a whip?

 **izzybelle:** ys alec gve it to me on our 13th bday

 **lydiahh:** thts so sweet

 **lydiahh:** nd im gud w/ a quadruple date

 **jace lighthood:** is alec gunna b ther

 **magnus babe:** obviously

 **jace lighthood:** ill go

 **raphael santiagoaway:** im not going 

 **simon knewthis:** ys u r

 **raphael santiagoaway:** ill b there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> up next: how was that quadrouple couple date?  
> andddd: is alec ever going home?   
> also a bunch of random shit i come up with on the spot 
> 
> thanks for reading! 
> 
> kudos & comments are welcome <3

**Author's Note:**

> this is gonna have more! than! one! chapter! yay. 
> 
> i really love saphael & idgaf about clace, so i put in clizzy. i hope u all like what i did with jace (nothing)- if u didn't know i also don't gaf about jace so there's that. 
> 
> anywho, kudos & comments are welcome, and much appreciated <3
> 
> -follow me on twitter @salyersbaby because- well, i've run out of reasons why. so maybe don't. but maybe do. 
> 
> all the love, angels <3
> 
> also, some of the things i say are bc of my talks w/ my fav person tayvian, like the title of this story.


End file.
